Hisoka Doll
by Elf Asato
Summary: [DollHisoka, TsuHi, TatHi? TsuTatHi?] A mysterious and faceless doll haunts Hisoka's dreams.
1. Shades of Gray

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: None so far…but don't worry!  They'll come ^_^ …O.o….and I mean that in the least perverted way possible.

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_

**Disclaimer**: Geez, do I really need to say this?  Yami no Matsuei is (unfortunately) _not_ mine.

**Notes**: Actually, I thought of this while I was doing dishes…how odd.

**Chapter summary**: Hisoka reflects on the first dream he had with the beautiful, faceless doll.

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Hisoka Doll

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By Elf Asato

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First Chapter

"Shades of Gray"

He came again last night, for the fifth time in a row.  That beautiful, faceless doll haunted my dreams again while telling me I was just _his_ doll.

                        _My beautiful, beautiful porcelain doll_

_favorite in my collection_

_quite a compliment_

_a "doll's doll"_

                                                                        …_but a puppet just the same._

I didn't get any sleep while he was there.  Though it was only a dream, it felt so real.

_You have a scar…_

_                                    did I do that?_

_                                                I broke my doll_

_                                                            shattered your face_

_                                                                        I'm sorry_

I'm scared of him, I really am…but…at the same time, I really like him.

                        _We're out of tea_

_                                    so it's cyanide again_

_                                                just pretend it's almond_

I guess he just wants to see his doll.

~*~

It was dark…_really_ dark as if I was in some kind of shadow land where the only thing I could see was myself.  Darkness.  All around me.  Black.  Just black.  Everywhere.  It was like some kind of nightmare and I was all alone.

_I wonder if Tatsumi ever dreams like this._

In addition to being dark, it was also quiet.  So…so very quiet.  I'm used to the dull humming of the world's emotions, the white noise of their feelings…but there in that darkness, I felt something I had never felt before.

Total silence.

I was like that for hours – each minute, I just _thought _I'd go insane…but I never did it seems.  Maybe I did, though.  Maybe I just imagined that soft crying piercing the complete silence…that little child in the sitting position just _crying_…  But I know I didn't.  Even though he gave off no emotions despite his tears, I _know_ I didn't just imagine him.  I don't know how I know nor do I know why.  It's just…it's one of those things that you just _knew_.  And…despite it all being just a _dream_ (or nightmare), I _knew_ that child was **alive**.  Like…living, breathing, material world type of _live_.  Not that dream crap.

And even though I _knew_ all these things without really _knowing_, I still don't know why I went over and knelt beside him, resting a comforting hand on his back.  I mean, I was never really able to do that with my own partner, so why would I try to comfort a scary little living child in my dream whom I've never met?

I really don't know, so it surprised me even more when I whispered reassuring words to him.  Eventually, he stopped crying and looked up at me.  That's when I saw his face – or lack of face to be precise.

I'd never seen anything so _unnerving_ as that little boy looking up at me…with no face.  His mouth, eyes, and nose were missing and in place was smooth, smooth skin.  In spite of all that, though, I never let my discomfort show on my face and spoke to the boy.

"My name's Hisoka.  What's yours?"

If he had a lip, it would've quivered.  "I…I…I don't have a name," he choked and started crying again.  I never thought that someone without eyes could cry…tears flowing down his cheeks…  I had never seen anything like it.

"Well…that's okay," I reassured him.  "You don't have to have a name."

"No!" he protested, "I do!  …_She_ gave _him_ one, so why can't she give _me_ one?!"

To that, I regretted, I had no response except to ignore it and move on.  "…Who's _she_?"

"My mistress," he responded simply, the tears drying up.

            _Children grow up fast these days.  In spite of everything that's wrong in this world, this truth is the true tragedy_.

"…Aren't you a little young to have a mistress?"

"…No…because I'm her doll."

"…Her…_doll_…"

He smiled brilliantly, "Most prized in her collection.  You know, she has many, many dolls, but I'm her favorite."

"Then that must be good.  She may not want to give you a name because she's trying to think of something special," I commented, hoping to make him happy.  It was so sad seeing and hearing him cry without eyes or a mouth.

And then…he was _positively _radiant.  "I like you.  A lot!"

I just smiled, honestly having no idea what was coming over me.  "I like you, too."

"You'll be my doll, then."

"Y-your doll?"

He just giggled.  It was light and high-pitched, coming from nowhere.  "A doll's doll.  Isn't that strange?  Imagine, a doll having a doll.  Isn't that funny?"

I _had_ to protest.  "But…I'm not a doll!"

He adamantly shook his head.  "No, you _are_ a doll.  _My_ doll.  My Hisoka doll."

"No, I'm really not…"

"Yes you are," he insisted.  "You're not alive so you must be a doll!"

I was almost caught speechless.  "…I'm dead, not a doll."

He _really_ insisted on me being a doll.  "You're not dead and you're not alive.  You have _never_ been dead _or_ alive because you're a _doll_."

I shook my head.  "Dolls are inanimate objects!  I breathe, think, feel, move…everything that inanimate objects _cannot_ do so therefore I am _not_ a doll and neither are you!"

"You've got it wrong," he simply stated.  "Dolls are simply caught in the limbo between living and nonliving.  That's all."

"But…how can that be?" I challenged.  "It's either living or nonliving – there is no limbo!"

"Don't let your world be so black and white.  See shades of gray every once in a while."

I didn't really care to respond and he correctly took it as a sign of defeat.

"So you are my doll.  A doll's doll.  You're the favorite in my collection."

"I…I'm your favorite?"

Though he was missing lips, I _knew_ he smiled…and at that moment, the shadows enveloped him…only, this time I could see…

The shadows had transformed to shades of gray.

            _Shades of gray…a doll's doll…caught in the limbo…_

_                        "You're the favorite in my collection."_

Chapter End

**Ending notes**: I know this is REALLY WEIRD.  In an odd sense, it sort of has a poetic feel to it that I think is sort of accented with the separate font for the indented words and the shadow effect for some stuff.  I hope it shows up on ff.net…  If not, I'll just upload it somewhere online and everything will be all happy and jolly…  The next few (er, I think the first five) chapters will be on the first five dreams Hisoka has with the nameless and faceless doll.  After that, it'll switch to present time (er, present for him) and go from there.


	2. Shattered Glass

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: In a really weird way, Faceless Doll + Hisoka…but it's not like that!

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, and it occurred to me that Hisoka might be really OOC…but…I have my reasons and he knows this ^_~

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill ^_^

**Notes**: …And this chapter was thought of while walking to band practice…how odd.

**Chapter summary**: Hisoka reflects on the second dream he had with the beautiful, faceless doll.

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Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

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**Second Chapter**

**"Shattered Glass"**

It's the total silence that gets me every time.  I'm so used to the fuzzy white noise that when it's not there…the silence is deafening.  Isn't that odd?  How can silence be deafening?  It's like…jumbo shrimp or something…  Sometimes I still wonder if that's what Hell's really like – nothingness.  The silence so loud and deafening that it pains your ears; the total darkness so blinding that you have to shield your eyes…and you're so afraid to speak – to shatter that nothingness – that it bottles up inside you so tightly that you feel you might go insane.

"This…" I whispered, not able to take the silence anymore, "must be what Hell is really like…"

"You think so?"

It was a shock to the system to have the two senses pierced so suddenly.  He was there…standing right in front of me like he had been there the whole time…that faceless child…

"…You…"

"Me," he replied softly, but held his hand up and pointed…but why at me?

"…Why…?" I asked quizzically, gathering the courage to speak above a whisper, "…Why me?"  I as I said this, I held a hand up to my heart, but he took my hand and put it up to his own.

            _He's so cold…_

"Because…we're the same."

Regrettably, that's all he said – so many unspoken words flew around the darkness that it was hard to just reach out and try to catch even one little thing.  And when I felt his nonexistent lips rest gently on the hand he held onto…a slight blush rose up my cheeks and I tried to say something – anything – but once he smiled with those nonexistent lips of his…

"Hey, let's have some tea, my Hisoka doll!" he cried out with affection and excitement.  As if by magic, the shadows revealed a small table complete with an entire tea set and he somewhat dragged me to it, sitting me down enthusiastically.  He almost _danced_ as he seated himself right across from me, enjoying playing my host entirely too much.

            _Once a child, always a child._

The light melody of his humming filled the silence as he poured tea into both our cups.  Curiosity prompted me to ask what exactly the tea was…and the answer was quite surprising.

"It's not tea – it's cyanide."

"_C-cyanide??_" I panicked as I backed away frantically.

            _Should never have put my guard down!  Why did I even _trust_ someone?!_

"Yes, we're out of tea right now so this will have to do.  Don't you like it?"

"_N-no!!_" I sputtered, everything coming as a shock and knocking me off guard.  "C-cyanide…?!  That's _lethal_!"

Despite my panicking, he held a calm exterior, but was slightly hurt.  "You don't like it…but you haven't even tried it.  …See?" he muttered as he held the cup to his cup to his face and…_drank_.  …I suppose it all just absorbed into him…but still, I rudely stared with morbid fascination.  "Tastes like almonds," he remarked happily.

And he was just fine.

"But…it'll kill you…" I muttered softly, feeling somewhat helpless.

"Am I dead?" he asked good-naturedly.  "You're just a _doll_, don't forget – _my doll_.  So go on, have some.  It tastes like almonds…don't you want to at least smell it?"

It must have been the total silence from before that drove me crazy because I found myself inching up to my cup, cautiously smelling it.  And…it smelled like almonds…

The boy just giggled, the light ring piercing into nothingness.  "If cyanide was really that lethal to you, I think you'd be dead by now."

I looked at it cautiously just…_not understanding_.  "You mean…it won't kill you after all…?"

"Oh no, it's very lethal alright," he said with morbid amusement, "but just not to you or me."

"Why?"

Even though my eyes were blind to it, I knew he smiled.  "Because we're dolls – caught in the eternal limbo between the living and nonliving.  It's something that can't be helped; that's just the way it is."

With slight hesitation, I let my guard down once again and lifted the cup to my lips, the sweet smell of almond immediately filling my senses.  As…odd as it was…I really enjoyed that cup I had…that cup of cyanide.

"Would you like more?"

            _I must be insane…I truly must…_

"…Yes please…"

He was just absolutely radiant as he poured me a second cup.  "Your eyes are beautiful, you know that?"

"What…?  Oh…yeah…I get that a lot…" I muttered as he handed my now-full cup to me.

"I want _her_ to paint me eyes like yours…they're so beautiful.  Hisoka…do you think she would love me more if I had eyes like yours?"

"…No, I don't think she would.  She'd love you for you."

Half of me stuck to what I said, but the other half desperately wanted to take it back…because once those words left my mouth, his entire mood fell.

"…Really…so…she doesn't really love me at all, I guess…"

I hated to see him unhappy.  "What makes you say that?"

"…She gave _him_ a name…_him_ a face…why not me?  D-does she really _hate _me that much?!"  He was becoming emotional…I couldn't _stand_ it…  "I _hate_ him!  I _hate _him, I _hate_ him!  He's stolen _everything_ I've ever had!"  Although I couldn't see it, I _knew_ he was deeply hurt by it…  I felt so bad.  "_Why not **me**_?!"  

As soon as the words escaped him, he slammed his cup on the table in an angry fit, shattering it and spilling cyanide everywhere.  I flinched as a shard of porcelain grazed my skin…

As he leaned over the table…overflowing with concern…I knew what he was about to do, but…for some reason, I made no attempt to stop him.  His…_lips_…grazed over my cheek…the spot that should have bled…but _didn't_…

            _And the porcelain shard had cut deep enough, too…_

"I'm sorry," he muttered, not bothering to move at all.  I guess I should have been freaked out him not making an effort to move…but then again, neither was I.  "I broke my doll…shattered your skin…I'm sorry."

"I-it's okay…it'll heal anyway…  In fact, it should be all better by now," I muttered, increasingly aware of the _sensation_…of him this close…of my entire face flushing.

"…But it's not okay…  Your cut is still there…  I'm sorry, my dear Hisoka doll.  I'm sorry."

"…What?!  You mean it hasn't healed yet?!" I panicked, for the second time that night (or morning?).  I jerked away from him and instantly began feeling my cheek…gasping when I found what I _hoped_ wasn't there…

"That's going to leave a scar," he said sympathetically, but it never really registered to me…  I hadn't _healed _yet because there was still this _cut_ on my cheek…but…what shocked me even more so was that it hadn't even _bled_.  The cut was dry.

"I…I'm not even bleeding…"

"…No…you were never bleeding…"

My full attention snapped back at him and I stared at his faceless existence…  "W-why?"

"Because," he began softly as his finger reached out to trace the path of my cut, "dolls don't bleed.  They have no blood to bleed with and they don't heal.  They just…crack…and shatter…like glass."

My mouth gaped open, trying to say something…anything…  Nothing came out, though…but I'm sure it was a good thing because I don't think I had anything intelligent to say anyway.

"You're a doll, Hisoka," he stated gently, his finger resting lightly on my cheek, "_my_ doll.  You're my favorite, you know that?  Always will be.  Forever.  You know why?  Because that's how long our existence is.  Until our body breaks…forever."  He giggled and his finger resumed its path.  "You have porcelain skin, my Hisoka…it's very beautiful.  What a gorgeous porcelain doll…my Hisoka doll.  One of a kind…just mine…"

I couldn't remember anything beyond except for when I woke up…  I suppose that's the trouble with dreams.  They're such tricky bastards.  Any yumemi, I'm sure, will tell you, but…the worst thing is _not being able to tell a **dream** from **reality**_.

I know this truth because…well, when I woke up…

…I had a scar.

Chapter End

**Ending notes**: Oh and…this chapter is one of those "please don't try this at home" things…  Cyanide **will **kill you.  So…don't be weird like Hisoka and that doll thing and try to drink it…  With that aside, I really don't mean to make this into a romance between Hisoka and a doll…  Er, I think I accidentally combined two chapters into one…oh well.  Just out of curiosity, though, any predictions on where this is going?  (And yes, I do know…surprisingly ^_^)  But…if you're right, I'm going to fwap you on the head for knowing!  …Of course, I'll leave your fwapping until after this is over and my point (er, if there is one…) has been made…  And…dear lord, I SWEAR I did not mean to make this into doll porn…(^_^)

And thank you everyone who has reviewed!!!!!!!!


	3. Collection of You

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: (in my mind, it's official...) Creepy Doll + Hisoka

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, and it occurred to me that Hisoka might be really OOC…but…I have my reasons and he knows this ^_~

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill ^_^

**Notes**: Grr, I'm working on Anti-Nostalgic, I really am!

**Chapter summary**: Hisoka reflects on the third dream he had with the beautiful, faceless doll.

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Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

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**Third Chapter**

**"Collection of You"**

I wasn't surprised that I felt like crap in the darkness of my nightmare – that's how I felt in reality.  It had been a week since receiving the scar in my dream…and having it carry over into reality.  I suppose that's when my health and mentality started in a downward spiral.  I had worn a band-aid I managed to get from the material world and every time someone asked me about it, I always told them (to my own disgust) that it was just a fashion statement.

I just couldn't let them know what had happened.

"What's that?" the ever-familiar voice rang out, shattering the darkness.

Slightly spooked, I choked out, "Oh you!  Uh…this?  Oh…it's…it's nothing…"

That beautiful, faceless doll stood at my feet, peering up at me with a quizzical tone in his words.  "If it's nothing then why do you have it?"

"I…er…ah…" I muttered, pulling off the band-aid in one quick motion.  Surprisingly, it didn't hurt.  In fact, I didn't feel a thing…

He was silent for a few moments before simply mumbling, "Oh."  I could tell he was sorry about the scar on my face, but I wasn't angry with him at all and I wanted to tell him that…  "I'm sorry."

"No, it's quite alright.  I'm not mad or anything and it doesn't hurt," I explained.

"You have a scar…  Did I do that?  Did I really do that?" he asked, glowing with concern.  I just wanted to wash all that concern and worry away…  "Did I shatter your face?  Break my doll?  …I'm sorry."

"No…really, it's okay…" I muttered.  It was unnerving for me to be in my dream with him…  As an empath, I could _feel_ nothing from him, but a sort of sixth sense told me that it was there, just like with his smiles.  I suppose empathy is a sixth sense, but this…seemed even beyond that…  And to top it off, I had mixed feelings about him that _I_ couldn't even tell what they were.  I'll admit, even though I feel everyone else, I'll be the last one to know how _I_ feel.

"Are you sure?"

"…Yes.  I'm positive."

"Good," he exclaimed happily, "because I'd _hate_ to have you mad at me!  …You know…I really like you.  I like you a lot.  You're the favorite in my collection."

"You say you have a collection…but…aren't I your only doll?" I asked curiously.  It's…not like I'd be jealous if he _did_ have others…

"A collection of you," he beamed…and I couldn't help smiling as well.

            _A collection…of me…_

"You know…" he continued, "we're a lot alike, you and I."

"…Oh?  How so?" I asked casually, but something about his tone disturbed me…

"We're both dolls – having no heart, no soul.  We exist solely because we were made and for no other reason only…  Just a novelty, really.  Our existence has no true purpose."

"W-what?  How can you say that?  Of _course_ you have a heart and a soul!  Just as I do!"

He interrupted me.  "No…we don't.  People must wonder what a heartless and soulless creature is…but they don't realize that that's what _we_ are.  We're not human, we're not normal…and in a way…"

"…No…" I muttered, shaking my head.

            _Please…don't say it…_

"…We're monsters…"

            _You're not normal!_

_                        Please…no!  That…that doesn't mean you shouldn't love me…!_

_                                    You're a monster!_

                                                _Mom…dad…?!_

"Are you okay?" he rang out, dissolving memories of when I was _alive_ into nothing…

Apparently, I had clutched my ears, trying to block out everything I could…but…

"I…you know…even though we are what we are…doesn't mean our pointless existence has to be spent alone.  No matter who or what you are, if you have someone beside you, you can go through anything.  I…I have you," he said, barely above a whisper.

"And I…" I muttered, "…have you."  I found it _interesting_ (to say the least) how easily the words slipped out…  I know I should have hated him for saying what he did and bringing those memories back…but actually…  I must be insane for feeling this way, but it made me like him even more and it solidified what was only just a hunch – a bond between us.  It was true; as much as I hated to say it, it was true.

            _We're the same._

That night, I had a short revelation of my feelings…  No matter what we say or do to each other that hurts, we'll always have a bond that cannot be broken.  And…I had the strangest feeling that even if we were separated by something as catastrophic as death…we would always find our way back to each other…  It was odd…because in a way, I knew our _relationship_ would bring pain…

…But…only because we're drowning in a collection of each other.

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: Now, I'm certainly no expert on pop culture (seeing as how I just don't care ^^;), but I think it's Nelly (I probably spelled that wrong…) who wore/wears a band-aid…  I'm probably very off, though…  Oh…and…ah…Hisoka's "memories" of when he was alive are probably very inaccurate…  I know his parents called him "not normal" and stuff…but as usual, I was too lazy to look it up exactly…  And…ah…_yeah_, this chapter's an odd one.  Very odd, but I think I foreshadowed myself to death…  I have this _feeling_ (^_^) that this chapter isn't exactly "grammatically correct."


	4. Emotions of a Dream

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: Creepy Doll + Hisoka (@_@)

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, and Hisoka might be really OOC…but…I have my reasons and he knows this ^_~ Um…shounen-ai?  Hey, it's a _doll_.

**Disclaimer**: Aah…I can't wait until the 14th…wait…that doesn't have anything to do with the disclaimer.  Um…Yami no Matsuei is not mine…but I'll own my very own copy of the Descendants of Darkness DVD when it comes out!  So…don't…sue?  Or…something…

**Notes**: I just composed this neatish MIDI ^_^  *listens* Oh the egotism…!  @.@

**Chapter summary**: Hisoka reflects on the fourth dream he had with the beautiful, faceless doll.

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Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

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**Third Chapter**

**"Emotions of a Dream"**

I should have known I'd dream about this…  Tsuzuki, insisting that I needed the distraction, forced me to go to earth with him, dragged me to a movie, and then took me out for ice cream…  In a way, I _did_ appreciate it, but the whole thing was very uncomfortable since I found out from my empathy that Tatsumi had given the idea to him…

The dream was a refreshing break from the nightmares and dreams of nothingness I had been having lately, though.

In the corner of my dream I sat, watching the two of us walk the city streets…  We stopped in an ice cream parlor and I ordered the smallest cone they had while Tsuzuki had this giant sundae bigger than his head; he even finished it before I did mine.  It was just like what we had done…except it was so silent…no car horns, no random chatter, no conversations…

            _Why is it always so quiet?_

Even if there had been noise in my dream, it still would have seemed somewhat silent to me…  You very well can't feel the emotions of a dream, can you?  …So Tsuzuki and I walked down the streets…talking, though I could hear nothing.  …I guess I never really have a chance to read things other than emotions…like body gestures, facial expressions…so it was odd, seeing him smile brilliantly like that while talking to me.  It would have made me happy, but I noticed something about his beautiful violet eyes; they were sad.

I sighed and at the same time, I felt…without really feeling…_his_ presence…

"…Who's that?" he asked, watching my dream with me.

I hesitated before responding, keeping my eyes on Tsuzuki and myself, "A friend."

A cold chill traveled up my spine and I tore my eyes from us to see the faceless doll by my leg, _staring_ up at me.  He glanced back at my dream (at that point, Tsuzuki had his arm draped across my shoulder, trying to show me something), but then his head turned and I knew he was staring back up at me.  There was something about his _tone_ when he stated, "You two seem very friendly."

He almost seemed…_jealous_…but I could never actually read him.  "We've been through a lot, but he's just a friend," I replied quickly, surprising myself.  I had no idea _why_ I felt the need to explain to him…

"Looks like _he_ doesn't see it that way."

I looked back to my dream and we were there in the park where he told me that he was worried about me and just wanted to see me _happy_.  Of course, in the dream it was silent and I _know_ what it looked like…with him hugging me and me blushing…  "It's not like that…" I muttered, but in a way, I had the feeling it was a lie…

We watched in silence until the dream finally faded out and the doll and I were left with nothing but darkness.  "…You shouldn't be friends with him," he said, barely above a whisper.

"…Why?"

"…You're different…you don't belong together," he stated simply.

I looked back at him…but I had…just _had_ to look away when our _gazes_ met.

"You're not human…but…with those eyes, neither is he…  Still…you're-you're _mine_…not his."

So he _was_ jealous…  "…You're wrong," I muttered, "Tsuzuki is the most human person I know."

"All the more reason for you to be with me," he said firmly, placing a tiny hand on my leg.

I…I didn't know what to say, so I chose silence.  I couldn't help repressing the urge to break out into a smile, though.  In…a way…it almost _pleased_ me to hear him say that…but then again, I just wanted to dropkick his little head for even _suggesting_ that Tsuzuki was anything _but_ human…

"Hey…sit down," he said lightly, tugging at my pant leg.  

I felt no reason to not comply, so I found myself sitting on the _ground_.  When he seated himself in my lap with his head resting against my chest, I couldn't help but blush against my will…

"Just," he began, "because you _look_ like a human…does that necessarily make you one?"

Absent-mindedly, I stroked his head gently as I tried to answer.  I was saved, though, when he moved on.

"…Why would anyone really _want_ to be human, anyway?  …Really…why would you want to be something so weak…?  Why not choose a stronger creature to be?  …Not like animals…but…creatures…like us…" he muttered with his face against my chest.

"Well, you can't really choose what you were born as," I sighed, trying to sound introspective…contemplative…something, _anything_ besides what I was feeling right then…

            _Why _would_ you want to be something as weak as a human?_

_                        They're all afraid of what they don't understand…_

_                                                They're all afraid of _you.

"…You're right," he finally sighed after a few moments of silence.

I stroked his soft, _soft_ blond hair.  I almost hadn't noticed it, it was so light, but it was so _soft_.  The kind of soft that you could just melt in and stay that way forever.  "…Do you consider yourself weak?"

He didn't answer that impulsive question of mine right away and it seemed like he wasn't going to answer at all until he finally replied, "…Not anymore, no."  …And that was all he said.

At that moment, I didn't know what he was thinking, but I just knew that I wanted to be like that forever…me stroking his hair with his head against my chest.  It…was almost like we belonged together.

And…for a brief second, I actually thought we did.

I barely noticed when the shadows enveloped him and he disappeared…my own eyes drooped and finally shut in what one could call a sleep…  Only, when I slept in my dream, I woke up in reality.  

…Don't ask me how that works…

I felt…almost…tranquil, but at the same time, very disturbed deep in my heart.  My mind and my emotions were at war with one another, confusing the hell out of me in the process.  Nothing was what it seemed anymore…like I was caught in a tornado.  My head and heart were tossing things miles away and expecting me to know just exactly where they had landed…  I was so…confused…but I did know one thing:

The only person who could calm the winds at that moment…was Tatsumi.

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: Blargh…I just realized that I think this will be the last chapter where Hisoka talks about his past dreams…  I think chapter 5 will move on to present time because I didn't count the two dreams (one not described ^^;;) in chapter 1.  …I always forget what they call earth…er, that one place…it's like Chijou or something…  What the heck am I talking about?  Er, I seem to be rambling…don't mind me.

Ugh!  I had so much trouble getting the wording exact on the last couple of sentences…does it sound/look okay?  Argh *worries*  …HA!  Bet you didn't expect Hisoka to want _Tatsumi_ then!  …I was actually thinking of two other people (one of them _of course_ was Tsuzuki ^_^)  …Well…maybe you did expect that.  Arr…I'm so predictable…  I can't help it…I love Tatsumi!  Besides…yay…I get to write in present time now!  Whoo!  …What's with my "argh", "arr," and "blargh"s…?  Um…something…argh (no!  Not again!), it's so late right now…  I should really…_not write notes_ when it's this late…  I tend to ramble on and on and on about things that couldn't be more irrelevant if they tried.

…Irrelevancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!  @_@  (I love that word! [irrelevant]  …I'll be sure to use it in my next chapter ^_^  Ooh…bracket things…[luff 'em…]  …Arr [-.-]…I need to go to sleep…)  


	5. Kiss

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: Tsuzuki + Hisoka (oh come on, you _know_ it's there ^_~)

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, OOC Hisoka (just bear with me)

**Disclaimer**: I'm poorer than dirt, so please don't sue…unless you want lint or something…

**Notes**: I *swear* _Garasu no Kanbase_ is in English…  O.o…what the heck?  Why do I keep forgetting to change the chapter numbers?  Ooh, BIG NOTE!  I never really mentioned it before because I didn't really need to…but this takes place after the Kyoto Arc.  Maybe…about a month after.

**Chapter summary**: Hisoka tries to get a little _help_, but isn't sure just how to do it…  (God, that summary sucked O.o…and this is kind of depressing compared to other chapters…)

==========

Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

==========

**Fifth Chapter**

**"Kiss"**

Since I've met him, my life has taken a depressing routine.  Every morning I wake up and lie in bed, trying to convince myself to get up, and eventually, I do, but it takes a while…  Then I look in the mirror, noting how I'm paler than usual, and reapply the band-aid over my scar if it decided to shift somewhere during my sleep.  But…today I decide to go for variety – a blue crayon band-aid.  It only accents my paleness, though.  After that, I go into the kitchen and take a sip of coffee that's in a mug on the counter, trying to remember a mental note I made for myself about it…

Oh.  Right.  It's cold…

It's too late, though, and I've already spit it out after drinking.  …I set the mug back on the counter, making a mental note for myself to make a fresh pot tomorrow morning.

Of course, I forget.

It doesn't take long to get dressed and go to work.  I used to be one of the earlier ones there, but now I come in a little later than everyone else – even Tsuzuki is there before me sometimes…like today.

"Good morning!" he beams with a smile, radiating with such emotion…  

I'm not even close to his enthusiasm when I return the greeting and walk right past him to my desk.  He insists on chattering with me, though, and I don't have the heart or energy to tell him that I just want to be left alone.

"You look so cute!" he says in that _cute_ way that only he can pull off.

…But still…I really…don't…appreciate it.  I used to like the attention he gave me, but now…I don't.  Maybe he'll just get the hint if I glare at him…but I still can't stop that slight blush I feel.  I suppose it's the only thing, besides the band-aid, that's giving my face color… 

His smile fades along with that light in his eyes, and for a second, I can't read him.  Then he places a finger on my band-aid and states, "This.  It's cute."  I jerk away and glare at him coldly.  Finally, it seems he's gotten the point and decides to bug Tatsumi about something.

I don't know…maybe it's just something about mornings…

I turn my attention to the papers on my desk, but I can't concentrate.  …I never can anymore…but this time, it's because I can _feel_ that Tsuzuki's thinking and maybe talking about me with Tatsumi.  As always, I never can feel a thing from Tatsumi…which is why I'm so scared to approach him.

What would he say if I told him what happened?  Would he brush it off and tell me it was just a dream, or would he just tell me I was crazy?  Would he even care?

…Somehow…I think that he would care.  I get…the feeling that he'd care a _lot_, and that comforts me.  It really does, even if it's just in my own thoughts.

Trying to seem as nonchalant as I could, I quickly glance over at the two…and for some reason, my heart fell.  Tsuzuki had his back to me, animatedly talking to Tatsumi, who just nodded and smiled back, obviously enjoying whatever my partner was saying.  

I tried to block them from my mind and concentrate on the work in front of me, but it was hard.  I kept reading the same group of words over and over again, not really paying attention to what they read.

I hated it.  I hated them, I hated myself…I hated _everyone_ at that moment.  Why?  Because I couldn't concentrate?  I…I didn't know why.

"Ah, good morning, Hisoka!" a vaguely familiar voice rang out.

I looked up to see Wakaba and her mismatched eyes, greeting me with a smile.  I guess I was almost…_pleased_…to see her in the office.  "Good morning," I replied, trying hard not to sound like the cranky SOB I was…

Her smile widened and her eyes lit up radiantly.  I reached out with my empathy to find the cause of her happiness…and I was stunned to realize that it was because of _me._

"Hey…when do you usually take your lunch break?" she asked suddenly, her eyes curious and delving.

Those were the eyes everyone gave me…but somehow, on Wakaba, they didn't look that bad.  "…Around noon, if I remember," I answered honestly.

"Let's have a lunch date!" she smiled, and I got the feeling that she had been planning this…

"Ah…alright?" I said hesitantly.  Tsuzuki usually insisted on us eating lunch together, and I used to enjoy it, but lately…it's been unbearable and for the past few days, I've been eating alone.  It'd be nice to spend some time with Wakaba.

"All right!" Wakaba exclaimed happily with triumph.  "And _you_," she continued, wiggling her finger at me for emphasis, "better not forget!"  As she flitted away, I knew she felt that she had won some kind of victory.

Why does everyone feel that way?

I looked back at Tatsumi and Tsuzuki, but my partner was actually at his desk _working_, and Tatsumi was nowhere in sight.  It frustrated me, really.  I felt that as soon as he was done with Tsuzuki, I'd have a chance at talking with him, but…

Maybe it was for the best.  I had no idea what I'd say anyway…

~*~

As soon as I saw the darkness around me, I _knew_ I had fallen asleep – and at _work_, too…

I sighed, slightly startled at the way it sounded so…_alone_.

"This is an odd time to be seeing me."

There wasn't a second thought in my mind who that voice belonged to.  "…Yeah, I think I fell asleep at work…" I muttered sheepishly as I looked at my faceless doll and smiled.

A high-pitched noise reverberated through the nothingness – almost like a bird's song – and it dawned on me that _that_ was a giggle from him.  He seemed to be in a good mood, which actually made me happy.

"Hey, guess what?" he said excitedly, like a child.

           _Like Tsuzuki…_

"What?" I asked, absorbing his excitement through my empathy.

"_She's_ going to paint me a face!"

I couldn't help but share in his joy.  "That's wonderful!"  It was odd – I hadn't felt that excited in a long time…  A _long_ time…

"She said she'd give me blue eyes!  …Blue eyes are pretty, but not as pretty as your green ones!"

I blushed at his words.  "Thank you…but blue eyes are beautiful as well."  …Hauntingly beautiful…

Hisoka

"Yes?" I asked.

"…What?"   He _stared_ at me, a bit confused.

Hisoka

"That's…not you," I muttered, as confused as he seemed to be.

He tilted his head and looked off into the emptiness.   "I think…that you're going to wake up soon.  In that case," he began as he turned to me and took my hand, "I'll see you."  Pausing for a moment, he _brought my hand up to his **lips**_.

Hisoka

I watched as he faded into the darkness, feeling somewhat…empty…

Once again.

"HISOKA!"

My head _snapped_ up and I found myself staring into two _beautiful_ and _brilliant_ violet orbs…  Two things registered in my mind: One, it was Tsuzuki, and two, he was **very** close.  So close that our noses touched…and with a careless movement, so would our lips…

"Tsu-Tsuzuki…!" I stammered, blushing _bright_ red, as I jerked away from him for the second time that morning.

He got that super-genki look about him and chirped, "You look so _cute_ asleep!"  I just glared at him…again.  "Hey," he began seriously, "are you getting enough sleep?  It's not like you to just fall asleep during work…"

Shrugging, I turned away, wanting to avoid his gentle eyes.  "Dunno…I guess."

I felt his fingers gently turn my head back to face him.  Everything about him seemed so gentle…  "…Promise me you'll try to get some sleep tonight?" he asked, radiating with concern…and in a way, I felt guilty.

"…I'll try," I muttered, trying to avoid his gaze.  It seemed that satisfied him and he let go of me.

"You know, I _was_ going to let you sleep longer, but it's almost noon.  Aren't you meeting Wakaba?"

I glanced at the clock and muttered as I stood up, "Thanks…"

"No problem!" he just smiled.

I was about to leave when the thought occurred to me: "How did you know I was meeting Wakaba?"

It was refreshing to see him blush as he obviously ignored me.

~*~

I was really quite relaxed as Wakaba and I drank tea and ate from our lunches.  She insisted on eating outside, which was fine with me since the sakura was beautiful.  My only complaint was the tea – it was really bland…like it lacked something.  She seemed to like it, though, so I didn't say anything.  We talked (rather, she talked and I listened) about nothing in particular, and I'll admit I liked that a lot.  It was only when she asked how I was doing that I felt uncomfortable.

"…I'm fine," I lied as I took a sip of the horrid tea.

"You're not a very good liar," she said disapprovingly and when I didn't say anything, she added, "You know…I worry about you sometimes.  We all do – Terazuma, myself, Tsuzuki, Watari, Tatsumi…everyone.  It's like…you keep a lot of stuff in…and it's not healthy for you, you know?  I know it must be tough to…be eternally sixteen…but I promise you, if you open up to people, it'll make things a lot better."  She paused, waiting for me to say something, but I remained silent, so she continued, "…I don't know exactly how you were treated when you were alive…but it's obvious that you were hurt…  I _promise_ that _none_ of us would intentionally hurt you, Hisoka."

"…I know," I muttered as I took a small bite of my sandwich.

Apparently, those two half-hearted words from me eased her mind and, to my relief, she continued on with irrelevant chatter.

"You know, your eyes are so beautiful!  I bet you get that a lot."

"Yeah, I do," I said softly, "…Your eyes are nice as well."

Wakaba just laughed and gave me a wink, "Of course my eyes are beautiful!  Everything about me is beautiful!  But…you're really a picture.  You're look like a _doll_, almost…with your skin and gorgeous eyes…"

…I nearly stopped listening to her when it suddenly dawned on me what the tea was missing.

_Cyanide_. 

~*~

Lunch with Wakaba really refreshed me and I felt very ready to tell Tatsumi all about what had happened.  Finding him was difficult, though, and I actually ended up in Watari's lab.  His spirit was a little down, which meant that our favorite secretary had been there and cut his budget, but Watari was still in a good mood.

…In a way, I admired that.

"Oi, Bon!"  the scientist greeted me enthusiastically when he saw me.  003 only hooted, but I could tell she told me hi as well.  "Is there anything you need?"

"I..er…no," I said, a bit embarrassed by coming there to look for someone.  "Ah…do you know where Tatsumi is?"

He looked _slightly_ upset at the fact that I wasn't interested in seeing _him_.  "You just missed him.  I think he may be in his office…"

"Thank you," I said quickly and I started to leave, but something stopped me…  "Hey, Watari?"

 "Yeah?" he responded, perky.

…I felt reluctant to ask…  "…We can 'die' if our cells can't regenerate…right?"

"Depends on the circumstances," he smiled as he pet that owl of his, but then his smile faded.  "…Are you still thinking about…?"

I knew what he was talking about…  That time in Kyoto when Tsuzuki had tried to take his life by Touda's flame, but…that wasn't what I was thinking about today.  I lied to him, "Yeah…  If…our cells weren't able to use oxygen, would we die?"

"Not necessarily," he said objectively.  "Sometimes when cells can't get oxygen, they start lactic acid fermentation.  You know that burning you get in your muscles when you run too hard?  That's that."

"So…something…like, say…cyanide wouldn't kill us?"

"No…but…it _would_ cause very serious problems.  Well…I take that back.  Eventually, it _would_ kill you…but not immediately.  It would take about…I don't know, this is a guess, an hour?  But you would feel a lot of pain almost immediately…  Why?"

"Oh just…wondering," I said lightly as I left.

I went to Tatsumi's office, and just as Watari had said, he was there.  My heart was pounding I had the sudden urge to run, but I tried to force myself to knock on the door.  Fortunately for me, there was no need to.

"Oh…Kurosaki," Tatsumi said as he stepped out of his office.  It was obvious he was planning on going somewhere, but decided to wait and see what I wanted.  Of course, I just stood there like an idiot.  

He nodded in my direction and started to walk down the hall when tried to stop him, "Tatsumi…I need to talk to you."

His penetrating blue eyes seemed concerned as they looked me over and I could tell when he saw my blue crayon band-aid – his eyebrow raised slightly.  "…Can it wait a little while?  I need to send these papers to Kachou."

I looked at the stack of papers in his hands and decided that I just could _not_ wait for that.  "No…I _really_ need to talk to you."

Tatsumi just looked at me firmly and said clearly, "You can wait."

"_No_, I _can't_," I said, my voice wavering and with one abrupt motion, I tore the band-aid off my cheek, leaving the scar exposed for him to see.

It took a second before it registered to him exactly _what_ he saw on me.  "In here," he commanded quickly as he opened the door to his office, hurrying me inside.  He closed the door behind us and demanded to know what happened.

…And I told him.

Throughout my whole story, not once did he interrupt me.  He just stood there, listening and focusing intently on what I was telling him.  I really liked it because it felt like he respected me and what I was saying.  "…And…now you probably think I'm nuts," I finished.  

It surprised me and really made me happy when he said, "No, not at all. In fact, I think I have an idea of what may be happening."

"You do?"

"…I'm not exactly _sure_ it is what it is, but it's just an idea," he explained, and I knew he was trying not to get my hopes up.  "This…may be someone crying out to you for help, so to say.  It could be because of your empathy or a strong bond with someone."

I blinked.  "…Really?  What should I do?"

Tatsumi looked away, almost sad.  "I'm sorry, I really don't know.  …If…you have a dream again, please tell me immediately."  He looked back to me and I could see his eyes were full of concern, but as always, I could feel nothing.  "This really is a strange thing…"

"What about this?" I asked, pointing to my scar.  I could see that it really disturbed him.

"I…don't know.  I'm sorry," he said apologetically and I could tell he truly meant it.

Although I should have left his office feeling concerned about what was happening, I wasn't.  Because Tatsumi was there and because Tatsumi would help me, I felt safe.

After talking with him, I went back to my workspace and felt ready to put my full concentration forth on work.  I was on a roll for about thirty minutes when this…_thing_…popped in front of me.  A…_teddy bear_…?

"'Soka-chan!" Tsuzuki said in a falsetto voice as he made the stuffed animal move.  "I'm so cute and so are you!"  I rolled my eyes as the bear 'kissed' my cheek.

"Tsuzuki," I sighed as I tried to ignore it, _desperately_ wanting to get some work done, "go take your stuffed bear somewhere else.  I have work to do."

"But it's for you!" he chirped happily.  "I went to Chijou to get it for you while you were at lunch with Wakaba!"

"…What?" I asked as I looked up at him.  He gently set the bear in my arms and smiled beautifully.  I looked down at the bear and unconsciously held it tight.  "It's…soft and cute."

"Just like you," Tsuzuki smiled, taking a seat on my desk.

How could anyone _not_ turn beet red at hearing that?  "B-bastard…" I muttered, looking away, but resting my chin on the bear's head.  "…Thank you."

"It was my pleasure!" he beamed as he took my hand.  "I'd do anything for my dear Hisoka!"

_I do NOT like to be touched…but still…he's so warm…_

"Ts-Tsuzuki, stop," I said half-heartedly through a heavy blush.

"Anything at all, you know."  His somewhat faded, but what was lost in his lips was made up for in his eyes.  They sparkled brilliantly…and closed halfway as he _brought my hand up to his lips_.

I slapped him _hard_, took the bear, and stormed out, not even looking back at his stunned expression.

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: Ah, Queen of Run-ons @.@…and the mixing of the tenses, too.  Go me for butchering the English language.  ^_^ v

Sorry if it doesn't have that "feel" the other chapters do…!  Oo…most of this was depressing to write. T.T   I couldn't resist the Tsuzuki+Hisokaness, though!  (Which adds for more "depressingness" T.T)  And…if you're wondering…no, there isn't really anything between Wakaba and Hisoka.  I consider her a "neutral" character ^^;;  Oh yes ^_^ v  My sucky biology explanation is probably really inaccurate because, well, they're _dead_, but just pretend like it's true for this fic, 'kay?  …I'm fairly sure cyanide will kill you almost immediately, though… O.o…  And…if Tatsumi doesn't have an office, he does now.  He deserves it!  AND if for some reason my brain's fried (it IS 2 AM @_@) and Chijou is NOT that…one…place…just pretend it's a toy store or something ^^;;

…If…you're confused about why Hisoka spazzed…read the italicized words in the second to the last sentence and try to remember where else in this chapter you saw those words. ^_~


	6. Michiko's Love

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: More Doll+Hisokaness, general mention of Tsu+Hi

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, OOC Hisoka (just bear with me)

**Disclaimer**: I wish…but…but…a ray of HAPPINESS has appeared!  MICHIKO!!!!!!  *owns Michiko*  You may use Michiko if you wish (come on, EVERYONE wants to use Michiko!), but please tell Elffy-chan first ^_^

**Notes**: The chapter most of you have been waiting for!  …But…you'll probably hate me for this ^^;;  Oh!  And a MUCHLY (Muchly?  Who thought of that word?) appreciated SPAZZY THANK YOU to those who told in reviews about the cyanide!  I'm VERY grateful…but…the moment has passed T.T  And…someone (too lazy to wait to see who, but thank you!) said something about a story where a grandmother poisoned her devil grandchildren…?  What got me really _fascinated_ with cyanide was a couple of years ago when I read this one story by Roald Dahl called…I think, _The Landlady_.  This old woman owned a bed and breakfast and…she was a little _strange_.  I don't want to give away the story (because it's really an excellent one!), but it deals with cyanide.  That's where I read that cyanide smelled like almonds and later I verified that by my encyclopedia!  Anyway, these are long notes…  Sorry!  (I tend to get off topic easily ^^;;)

**Chapter summary**: The doll gets a face!  (ooh, the mystery, the suspense, the beating Elf with a stick when you get done reading…  Please don't beat me! T.T)

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Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

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**Sixth Chapter**

**"Michiko's Love"**

I wish I could just curl up into a ball and slowly shrink until there was nothing left…until my curse scars, eyes, and entire body were gone.  Then…and only then…I think I would truly be set free.  

I suppose this is what they call "rock bottom."

The phone won't stop ringing – it just keeps on screaming at me to pick it up, but I don't want to for fear it might be Tsuzuki.  …At times, I think I like him, but others, I feel nothing but contempt for him.  I wonder why?  He's a nice guy and all…but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.

He's bound to hate me now, but that's all right; I don't blame him.  For a while, I've had that _feeling_ that he's "liked" me – more than in a friendly manner.  At first, it made me a little uneasy, but then I got used to it and later, I accepted it.  Now, though…it's like everything's fallen apart.  I _don't_ appreciate his concern, I _don't_ want him to flirt with me, and I _don't_ want his affections.  I suppose I'm insane and irrational to refuse someone's affection after a lifetime of not having it…

…I suppose I am.

The phone _still_ is ringing – won't he give up?  If it's Tsuzuki, the answer is probably no.  Maybe I should unhook the phone?  Its noise is jarring, so I can't help but stride over to the phone and unplug it, but as soon as I get within a foot of it, it silences itself.  

…_Thank you_.

That bear that Tsuzuki gave me is on my bed leaning against my pillows comfortably.  Against my will, it seems, I've taken to the little thing.  …It ended up comforting me in a way; I can't help it it's so cute and fuzzy…  I even went as far as naming it – Michiko.  I stare at Michiko and suddenly want to have it in my arms.  Michiko just stares at me until I go over and lie on my bed with it…  I suppose that satisfies the little thing because it seems its eyes soften a little, but of course, I can't resist holding it in my arms.  It's just so soft…  

*~@~*

The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the vast nothingness before me, and the second was Michiko.  "Mi…chi…ko…?" I asked in surprise as I looked down at it in my arms.  For the first time in a while, I felt genuinely loved.  In my mind, Michiko had made the journey from reality into my dream just to be with me…to comfort me…to love me.  "Michiko," I repeated softly as I held it close to my heart with a smile on my face.

My happiness was interrupted, though, when I heard a soft sniffling – crying.  As if on a stage, the noisemaker was illuminated in a non-existent spotlight…

It was _him_.

"…Oh…?" I asked as I softly crept over to him.  He was sitting down and _crying_ into his knees while hugging them.  I felt so bad.  At the sound of my voice, though, he briefly stopped his crying to look up at me pitifully.

Paint of different colors was smeared across his face.

"He – he – he," the doll stuttered frantically as the tears resumed, "he ruined my face!  He ruined it by smearing the paint when it was still wet!  …And then he told _her_ about it…and she said it was all my fault – that it was just too bad because she wasn't going to paint me another one…!"

In that moment – that instant – my entire heart went out to him, surrounding him with the warmest emotions I could produce until his crying finally stopped.  Although his face was heavily smeared with paint to the point of no recognition, I could still tell where his eyes were from the tear trails.  "It's alright," I reassured calmly, in the more nurturing tone I could come up with.

I kneeled down with him and reached out to pet his hair gently, letting my fingers play in its softness.  He just _looked_ at me…sad, but content.  "…I hate him," he said softly, "I really do hate him because he's stolen everything from me.  Everything.  I don't have a single thing left…except you."

"…Even if you feel you have nothing left, I'll always be yours.  Your doll.  Your Hisoka Doll," I smiled warmly, relying on Michiko to help me.  "Feel better?"

"A little," he admitted with a sigh, "but…because you make me happy, he's going to try to take you – I just know it!"

Leaning over, I placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, ruffling up his hair slightly in the process.  "Here, you can keep Michiko for a while," I said, trying to sound cheerful for him, despite my own emotions.  And with that, I let him meet Michiko.  I genuinely smiled as I felt his _emotions_ sparkle and said, "Michiko's a good friend of mine.  He does a great job of comforting me and cheering me up when I feel down and I'm _sure_ that he'll be more than happy to cheer you up!"

"Michi…ko?" he said, almost in a daze as I handed the stuffed animal to him.  Then he smiled softly, "Hello Michiko."

I had to smile.  "Is he doing his job?"

If fate had allowed this doll to have eyes, they would be wide, bright, and sparkling.  "Oh yes!" he said enthusiastically, "Michiko's doing a great job!"

I laughed with both happiness and relief, "And that makes _me_ happy now."

His smile faded spontaneously along with the _light_ in his _eyes_.  "…You're saying I can keep Michiko?"  When I nodded, he continued, "But…what if you get sad and need him?  Won't you be lonely?"

This time, I shook my head.  "Nope.  I'll just remember how happy he's making you and that'll make me happy again.  See, Michiko's a happiness bear.  Every life he touches gets a little better…a little happier…so just by knowing Michiko, every time you remember him you'll be happy."

The smile returns in his heart and lean over again to kiss his forehead.  "Thank you…my Hisoka Doll," he says brightly, but honestly, "I'll always think of you when I remember Michiko!"

           _Well, that's _one_ thing I have to thank Tsuzuki for…_

I smiled when he faded from my sight – when the darkness enveloped him and I could see nothing else.  Then after a while, even that faded and I woke up in my bed…but in my arms, something felt missing…

Michiko.

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: The title "Michiko's Love" is cute, but in a way, it feels sad… n.nU  Mi…chi…ko…  Noooo!  Where's Michiko?!  Eheh…please don't expect Michiko to show up until the epilogue ^^;;  (And remind me to do that!  I might forget, but I don't know how I could… O.o)  Sorry if this is really short compared to other chapters!


	7. The Heart's Lullaby

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: Not really any Tsu+Hi, Hisoka+Doll this time, and if you look at it right, slight Tat+Hi ^_^

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, OOC Hisoka (you'll find out next chapter!)

**Disclaimer**: I'm still wishing…

**Notes**: A HUGE thank you to EVERYONE who's reviewed so far!  (At the ending notes, I'll address you individually…)  And actually, you can thank Akiya-san for helping me get this chapter out so quickly…  I couldn't just let it go after what she said in her review! XD  Oh!  And since I have this page right out in front of me, it was Rinoa Redcloak who said something about the grandmother poisoning her devil grandchildren!  Thank you! Er, and one other thing…  It just occurred to me that they might not _need_ a phone…but let's pretend for this story that the good people of Meifu have telephones in their houses and at work ^_^;;  And the stuff about empaths and telepaths is complete crap I made up on the spot ^_^ v  (Actually, it _could_ be true… O.o)

**Chapter summary**: THE chapter ^_^  (Er, what I mean is the climax of the fic ^^;;  I've been wanting to write this for a _long_ time)

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Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

==========

**Seventh Chapter**

**"The Heart's Lullaby"**

Really one thing ran through my mind as I woke up from the dream with him:

_Michiko_.

"…Did I just dream that little bear up?  …Maybe I accidentally knocked him off the bed in my sleep?" I muttered to myself.  Desperate to find the new source of my comfort, I jumped out of bed and started looking all around my room, searching for Michiko…

…But I couldn't find him.  I even looked under my bed…

Exasperated, I sat down on the floor and held my head in my hands.  I _couldn't_ have just imagined that bear…  He was _real_ – Tsuzuki _really_ gave him to me, right?  But…if I didn't _imagine him_…what happened to him?

I felt a headache coming on; this was all too confusing.  What was I supposed to do?  Trying to ignore it, I wasted a few hours reading a book I had already read and hated, but after I finished that and night had come, I didn't feel any better.

            _…If…you have a dream again, please tell me immediately_.

"Tat…sumi," I sighed to myself as I sluggishly made my way to my phone, his advice still playing in my mind.  Without hesitation, I dialed the office number.  He was _sure_ to be there…  He _had_ to be.

And as he picked up on the other line and answered, I knew he was.

I know I could have just visited him at work, but…I wanted him to come _here_.  Since…Michiko disappeared while I was sleeping…maybe that has something to do with my scar and everything…?

"Tatsumi?" I asked, my voice sounding timid to my own disgust.  "…It's Hisoka."

"…I could tell," he stated pleasantly, but I could detect a hint of concern in his voice.  I think he knew why I called.

It was a little hard to say this, but I managed to get out, "…Can you come over?  I'm at my place…"  I must admit, it was _really_ awkward, considering _who_ I asked…  In fact, he probably had so much work to do…  Why did I even call him?  I was so selfish by bothering him…

There was a slight pause on his end and I seriously began to doubt that he would, but he answered, "Let me finish looking over this paper and I'll be right over."

"Aa…thank you," I said and it was as if a huge weight had been released off my shoulders.  I was really surprised that he said that considering how I knew he had so much work to do…

We mutually hung up and suddenly I felt extremely nervous.  I couldn't believe I _seriously_ invited someone over when my home was so _messy_…so the next half hour or so was solely dedicated to tidying everything up, which meant finally emptying that pot of cold, god-knows-how-many-days-old coffee…

Finally after what seemed years of anticipation, the doorbell rang.  "T-Tatsumi," I greet, out of breath seeing as how I had to run halfway across my home to get the door.

He just smiled, though.  "You seem like you're feeling better."

I wasn't aware that people thought I felt bad…  "Er, yeah," I said, blushing against my will.  I _swear_, every time _anyone_ speaks to me, I blush… "Aa, here, make yourself at home…"

I let him in and closed the door behind him as he took off his shoes.  "So…" he began hesitantly, "…I take it you had another dream?"

Damn him and his straight-forwardness.  "Yeah," I mutter, hugging myself slightly.  It was so weird…with my scar and now the bear.  "…I fell asleep hugging a bear…"  As I said that, I felt myself blushing again.  Tatsumi simply smiled warmly at me, though.  "…And…in my dream, the bear was with me, along with the doll.  He was…really upset because he finally had his face painted on him, but the one he hated messed it up and his mistress told him he couldn't get a new one…"  I sat down on the couch by me and told Tatsumi he could do the same if he wanted to.  He sat beside me and that comforted me.  "…So…I gave the bear to him so that he would be happy again…but when I woke up, the bear was gone."

I watched his gentle smile turn into a slight frown.  "…What do you mean?  The stuffed animal wasn't with you when you woke up?"

"Right," I nodded.  "Believe me, I looked _all_ over the house and I couldn't find it…"

"That's so strange," he muttered with a finger on his chin, looking up introspectively, "but…I think things are starting to come together."

I looked at him quizzically and asked, "…What do you mean?"

He just sighed as he ran his hand through his hair and explained, "…It's not everyday we have an empath working for us.  In this day and age where everyone looks out for themselves and no one else, people like you are rare, but in many ways, you're like a telepath.  Empathy works with the heart while telepathy works with the mind, but the two are very similar in how they are used.  This…doll in your dreams…must be someone you have a strong emotional bond with, be it love or hate.  Like a telepath, if the bond is extremely strong, an alternate reality can occur between the two of you.  Depending on the strength of the bond between you, this reality could become very physical…like it's shown to be."

Unconsciously, I traced the scar on my face with my fingertip.

"I think…this doll is someone you know reaching out to you.  It may be for other reasons, but judging from what you've told me, I think his heart is asking for help.  Visiting with him in your dreams may be due to the fact that you're an empath and it's someone you have a strong bond with, so that's why it probably seems so easy to do so."

"I want to help him," I said abruptly and with my entire heart.

Tatsumi just looked at me for a couple of seconds before smiling, "That's good."

I smiled with him, but then it faded as I asked, "…But how do I…?"

He sighed and admitted, "I really don't know…"  Pausing for a second, he looked off…but then looked back to me, as if he had a revelation.  "…I think I have an idea."

I was eager to hear this one.  "You do?"

Nodding, he explained, "You know how your bear was pulling into your dream with you?  Perhaps it's by touch or attachment?  I've been a Shinigami a long time and I've seen a lot of things, so if _I_ were to be brought into your dream with you, I could help you make a decision of what to do about him…and be your _support_."

At the time, that was a _great_ idea.  "You could really help?" I asked hopefully and felt _so_ happy and relieved when he nodded and said, "I'd try."

I smiled, but then blushed when I thought aloud, "But how do we…?"

Somehow, seeing Tatsumi blush as well was relieving.  "You sleep in your bed, right?  …That would be the best place to start…"

"…Shall we, then?" I asked, feeling as if my face had spontaneously turned into a tomato.

"Lead the way," he coughed as we stood up from the couch and I led him to my room.  I sat on one side of my bed and he sat on the other – both of us were red-faced.  "So…er…" I mumbled.

"I guess you should start by trying to go to sleep," he suggested, adjusting his glasses.  As per his suggestion, I slid under the covers and laid my head on my pillow.  "And…where was the bear when you fell asleep?"

"Aa…in my arms," I blushed profusely.

He blushed a little more, but slid under the covers beside me.  I suppose he tried to think of it as a part of work – after all, that's what _I_ was trying to think of it as.  Hesitantly, I hugged him and we both tried to get comfortable in that position, but our discomfort was mutual.

"Er…I…I can't fall asleep," I admitted.  "Maybe I should change into pajamas or something–"

"You fell asleep at work, so you can fall asleep here," Tatsumi stated abruptly.  I looked up and saw that his face was a beet red and tried to suppress a snicker.  We ended up shifting positions a dozen times, though, before we finally settled on him holding me in his arms and me resting my head on his chest.

As always from him, I couldn't feel any emotions, which unnerved me.  If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was born without them, but I _do_ know better.  Although I don't know, I believe that he feels just as strongly as anyone else…but I didn't know what he felt as he held me in his arms.  Without feeling any emotion from him, I felt a little lonely, but as soon as I positioned my head a certain way, I could feel his heartbeat and that comforted me more than anything – acting as a gentle lullaby…

*~@~*

It was warm for once – more warm than it was dark.  It was so odd and I couldn't find the source of the warmth until I looked down and saw Tatsumi's arms around me…and then up to see his face looking at mine.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly as he let go of me and took a step back, "I didn't know if…"

I almost laughed out of relief at him being there with me, "No need to be sorry.  Thank you very much, in fact…"

He went an odd sort of quiet and just looked around.  I could tell that the nothingness unnerved him, which it would any sane-minded individual.  "So…this is what it's like.  …This…this is probably this way because of a weakness in the bond," he observed objectively, obviously speaking about the oblivion we were in.

"You–" I began, put was interrupted.

"Who're you?" a childish voice said simply.  The darkness parted abruptly and _he_ stood immediately in front of Tatsumi.

Tatsumi's glasses slipped slightly as he looked down at the doll in front of him – I had to try not to giggle at his surprise.

"This is my friend, Tatsumi," I said gently, coming to his side.  "Tatsumi…this is…_him_…"

"…Good evening," Tatsumi said politely, looking at _me_ for _support_.  I nodded at him and he looked a little relieved.

The faceless doll, though, just stared at him for a few seconds before returning the greeting, "…Good evening, Tatsumi-san.  It's very nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, also," he responded, and it secretly amused me how the two of them were being so _polite_ with one another.

The doll continued to stare up at Tatsumi blankly, but then eventually turned to me and asked abruptly, "Why are you two sleeping together?"

I almost fell over in embarrassment.

It was hard, but I tried not to giggle when I saw that Tatsumi had reacted the same way.  It surprised me when I couldn't detect any jealousy in the child's voice…  "Well, I – ah, see, we're not really–"

Tatsumi saved me, though.  "He wanted me to meet you."

_He_ looked blank for a couple of seconds, but then broke out into a brilliant _smile_, "Oh okay!"  He was childlike as ever in that moment.  "Hey!  …Do you want to have a tea party?  Tatsumi-san could be our guest, dear Hisoka doll!"

"That would be wonderful," I smiled gently as he ran off over to a small table that the darkness revealed.

It was then that Tatsumi quietly gave me his observations, "…He seems very attached to you, but…there's something about it…  It's like…he can't let go of you."

"You mean…?" I asked softly, not wanting _him_ to overhear.

"His presence is that of a human, but…it's like it's his heart only – which is what it should be, so that's perfectly normal.  It means, though, that his body is probably in Chijou, but…in a way, he's unintentionally separated his heart from his body.  Sometimes accident victims inadvertently do that – they revert to a safer period in their life…or one that they haven't quite gotten over…  So…I do believe that I'm accurate when I say to you…that needs your help in letting go."

"Letting…go?" I asked quietly.  "Of what?"

"Well," Tatsumi began, "…what's something that bothers him?  That he just can't let go of?"

I tried to think and it came to me:

            _The one he hates and that has stolen his life…_

_                        His mistress…_

                                    _Being her favorite doll…_

"I think…I know," I said softly.

Tatsumi just smiled and replied, "Well then.  Let's join that child in his tea party."

As we walked over toward him, the doll put his hands on his hips childishly and said in a mock angry tone, "I was _wondering_ when you two would join me!"

"My deepest apologies," Tatsumi smiled as we sat down at the child's table.

"You're forgiven!" he chirped, having _entirely_ too much fun playing host to us.  I couldn't help but smile at him…but then my heart grew sad at the thought that _this_…might be the last time I have with this doll…

He hummed merrily as he poured the tea into three cups.

"What is it today?" I asked, for Tatsumi's sake.

"Cyanide!" my doll smiled brilliantly…

…While Tatsumi paled.  "…E-excuse me?"

I sighed and explained to the both of them, "…I'm sorry, but Tatsumi can't have your tea."

"…Oh?  …_Oh_…" he said in disappointment, casting a glance in the secretary's direction as he understood.  Then he said to me, "But…_you_ can, can't you?"

I blinked and stated simply, "…I've had it before, haven't I?"

Tatsumi looked positively startled at this exchange.  "What?"

My doll handed me my cup of cyanide and I gave Tatsumi a sad little smile and drank.  He watched me in morbid fascination as I finished the _entire_ cup…and was fine.  My heart…felt very heavy as I looked between the two of them – the doll drinking from his tea happily and Tatsumi watching me.  "Actually," I began, as I knew what I had to do, "I wanted Tatsumi to meet you for a reason."

"Really?" _he _asked curiously as he glanced at Tatsumi, who still looked startled by my cyanide drinking.  "What for?"

"We want to help you," Tatsumi said simply.

"Help me?" my doll asked, not understanding.  "Help me what?"

"…Tatsumi was able to tell that your heart had been separated from your body…so we want to help you in returning."

"…W-what?  But – but – I…I'm not – I don't have a heart!  I'm just a doll!" he protested as he stood up.

"I'm an empath," I explained with the confidence that Tatsumi unknowingly gave to me, "which means that I can feel the emotions of others.  I've been able to remotely feel yours…which…means that you _do_ have a heart – and therefore, that you are _not_ a doll.  …And neither am I."

"But I–"

I leaned over to lay a single finger on what was supposed to be his mouth, had it been there, and leaned further to give him a quick kiss on the forehead, which surprised Tatsumi.  "You may not even have realized it, but you've been calling out to me, asking for help."  He looked as if he was going to protest, but I continued with an honest smile, "I genuinely want to help…because I love you."

"But I…I…I don't want to leave you!" my doll protested with tears as he ran around the table to fling his arms around me.

I hugged him back as Tatsumi, who must have been a little freaked out by watching us, reassured gently, "I'm almost positive…that you've met your Hisoka before.  How else would you know to reach out to him?"

I kissed my doll's forehead gently and begged softly, "…Please let go…so we can meet again in reality."

He gave me one last hug and a kiss on the cheek before taking a few steps back from me.  "But…what about _him_…and…my mistress?  They don't love _me_, but I love them!  I can't just leave them!"

I sighed and looked at him with gentle eyes, "It's a shame that she doesn't love you…that…she loves the one you hate more…but it doesn't matter because _I_ love you.  I always will, deep in my heart…no matter _what_ happens."

"Really?" he asked with his _eyes_ shining…  "You'll love no matter what?  …You know, my Hisoka doll…you're right.  I don't need them…because I have you.  I'll…always have you."

"We belong to each other," I smiled warmly.

With a resolute smile on his face, my doll waved childishly, "Bye Tatsumi-san!  Bye Hisoka Doll!"

Tatsumi and I both looked at each other, then at him, waving our goodbyes.

Then at that moment, my _doll_ evaporated into wisps of energy and the energy formed together one last image – 

One last image – 

I knew now what Tatsumi had meant by him being my _support_.

Last image –

I needed his support.

Image –

I was falling without it.

Just one last image –

Of all people.

_Muraki Kazutaka._

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: Surprised?  Probably not ^^;  I tried to put as many hints in as I could, but the only one who seemed to get it was Akiya.  Anyway, there are two more chapters to go after this: the "omelet" chapter and the epilogue.  (Can you have an epilogue without having a prologue?  O.o)

Akiya: *finds a big "How-Dare-You!" stick and beats you with it*  How dare you for being right!!!!!  ^_^  I'm glad you like the fic, though!

Mirai K: Eh heh…well you _did_ say a _very long time ago_ that you thought the doll was a little like Muraki ^_^

Morien: Thank you for sticking with the story so long!  I'm glad you like it! o^_^o

Sleine: ^^;; Sorry it's not going to be around thirty chapters, but I'm glad you're enjoying it!  (Sorry this is so short!  T.T)

DeathAngelCreo: It makes me happy that you're enjoying something so creepy and weird!  (And I thought I was just a fluff person who couldn't write anything more than that!)

Rinoa Redcloak: I'm glad you like this because I really like your stuff!  (Getting anywhere with that beautiful threesome+ fic? ^_~)

Fiona: Does this clear things up?  I hope so!

Nennie: So you told me about cyanide, too!  Even though the moment's passed, I still appreciate the information!

Erin-chan: O.O  I'm glad you like this so much!  *wiggles*

Lodestar: My writing…touched you?  *spaz*  I'm so happy!

Subaru: YOU keep on writing!  (*poke*  Make lots of SubxSei in your X fic!)  Anyway, it makes me happy that you're enjoying this!

Literary Eagle: ^_^ I'm glad you liked that chapter and I hope you liked this chapter, too!

Aoi-chan: Sorry about the Doll+Hisokaness!  It couldn't be helped!  …But look!  There's Tsu+Hi and a little Tat+Hi, too!

Flaming nightshade: I'm glad you love this!  (I love it, too!)  And you were right – Hisoka _is_ (er, was?) having a breakdown in a way!  And thank you _very_ much for commenting on my prose!  It really made me happy!

O.o…I would address all the other reviews, but I only saved that one review page and I can't really get back online right now ^^;;, (I'm so lazy), but I'll save all that for the next or last chapter!  Like I said, next chapter's going to be the "omelet" chapter, but I'm a little sad that it has to end so soon…!  I have all YOU guys to thank for revving me up with your kind reviews!  (Heh, I'm really surprised I've been turning out all these things so quickly!)


	8. Dreamless Slumber

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: A little bit of each: Tsu+Hi, Mu+Hi ("moo-hee" ^_^), Tat+Hi, and…*fanfare* Tsu+Tat+Hi ^_~

**Warnings**: General _weirdness_, OOC Hisoka (finally explained ^_^;;)

**Disclaimer**: My backwards little town finally had the Descendants of Darkness DVD in stock and I bought it!  I was actually surprised and somewhat…_pleased_…with it!  A friend had filled my head with opinions on how horrible the voices were (which I relayed to Mirai K ^^;;), but the only voice that was absolutely horrid and I couldn't get used to was my dear Watari's!  *sigh*  Hisoka's took a little while to get used to, but…it…it actually grew on me and I really like it now @_@  Tsuzuki's reminded me of Gene from Outlaw Star, which was _okay_, but the GuShoShin voices…O.o…they were just too weird…  Anyway, I don't really see how that has to do with anything…except that I now own the first DVD…so please don't sue because I luff it!  *huggles DVD*

**Spoilers**: Slightly modified spoilers for the Kyoto Arc…

**Notes**: Thank you everyone for continuing to follow this fic through all the creepiness and complete and utter crap!  Thank you!  And…it was V. C. Andrew's "Flowers in the Attic" where the grandmother tried to poison her grandchildren with _arsenic_…makes sense now!  Thank you **Nagibook**!  ^_^ v  *has to go read that book now*  …And thank you, **Erin-chan**, for helping and inspiring me with the beginning!

**Chapter summary**: The "omelet" chapter…  (Everything's rolled up, eaten, and digested…or…something like that…)

==========

Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

==========

**Eighth Chapter**

**"Dreamless Slumber"**

            _Not him…why?!_

The image of Muraki Kazutaka, the man who violated my innocence and killed me slowly…tortured me even after death…and became my reason for living beyond material bounds, lingered like the smoke from those awful cigarettes. 

            _It can't be!_

And just like the very smoke he slowly kills himself with, the image disappeared and only its emotional imprint remained in my heart.

            _I don't _want_ it to be!_

I hugged myself slightly – I was so scared…just by even _seeing_ him…and at that very moment, I'd never wanted to see Tsuzuki more in my life.

            _Tsuzuki!_

I looked around and felt so alone…not even Tatsumi was there with me.  He…he wouldn't have gone and left me – he _wouldn't_!

            _I…I'm so scared!  I need you, Tsuzuki!_

_Hisoka!_

_            Hisoka?_

_                        Tsuzuki!_

_Hisoka!_

                        _Tat…sumi…_

_Kurosaki-kun…?_

_            Hi…soka…?_

_                        I'm not that scared anymore…_

_Hi…Kurosaki Hisoka!_

                        _Funny…I feel so warm…_

_            What are you…?_

                        _…Tsuzuki…!_

_Hi-Hisoka!_

            _Hisoka!_

_                        …Whoever the hell you are, I don't care! I _need_ you!_

_I…please wake up!_

            _I…_

_                        Tch._

_                                    Tsuzuki…_

Please_…Hisoka…_

_            …Please…_

_                        …All right…_

_                                    I don't feel so bad anymore…_

"Hisoka!" Tatsumi's voice bounced in my brain, slightly jarring, but very comforting.  "Hi…Hisoka!  You're waking up…"

I sighed and yawned, realizing that Tatsumi had a tight hold on me.  "Ugh," I grunted, resting my head on his chest with a god-awful headache…

"I was getting very worried.  You've been asleep for an _hour_ since I woke up…and no matter how hard I tried, you just wouldn't wake up…" he continued, his voice soft and tightly controlled…but worry and relief seemed to slip through.

My cheeks flushed, suddenly feeling ashamed for making him worry.  "I…I'm sorry…"

"It's alright," he said softly as he continued to hold me, "just as long as you're okay."

"…Thank you, Tatsumi-san," I whispered as I continued to rest my head on his chest, listening to that comforting heartbeat.

I could tell he didn't really want to ask…  "So…what are you going to do now?"

"…About what?"

"…_Him_."

Keeping my head still on his chest, my green eyes looked up into his and searched for an answer.  "…I don't know," I finally answered.  "I don't think there's anything _to_ do…but still…why…?  …Why _him_?"  Closing my eyes I buried my face in his chest and asked in a whisper, "Why _Muraki_?"

Tatsumi was silent…contemplating this, probably.  After a few minutes, he spoke up, "He must not have had a very good childhood, and that's something that never left him.  Something he hadn't quite gotten over…  I honestly don't know, but…whatever the reason, his reached out to you for help."

"…I could _feel_ that he was still alive, even after what happened in Kyoto, so is that why his heart…?" I asked, muffled in Tatsumi's warm and comforting chest.

"I don't know," he began apologetically, "I'm not him, so I couldn't tell you exactly what he wanted.  All I can do…is help you deal with this."

We were silent for a bit, holding each other like that, when I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck in an affectionate hug.  "Thank you," I said simply.

My bedroom door burst open and there Tsuzuki was, looking as if he had run a mile.  "Hisoka, I–!"  He stopped in mid-sentence as he turned a red tint, seeing us _hugging_ on my _bed_.  "I – I – I only – I – sorry!" he panicked, running out of my room just as quickly as he had come in.

A few seconds went by in silence as we tried to register what just happened.  "I think," Tatsumi said finally with an embarrassed smile as we both looked at each other, "that Tsuzuki got the wrong idea."

~*~

"…Why didn't you tell me about this?" Tsuzuki asked softly, staring at cup of coffee I had made him from his spot beside Tatsumi on the couch.  I _feel_ him thinking deeply about the entire issue after Tatsumi and I explained _everything_ to him – the dreams, the doll, the scar, and Muraki.

It was hard to explain.  "…I…I couldn't."  Seeing that vaguely hurt expression on his face made me feel awful for everything.  "Please understand me, Tsuzuki…  Muraki saw you in my dream and although I don't think his heart knew that it was _you_…he considered you a…a…"

"A threat?  Something in the way of you?" Tsuzuki finished for me, his eyes a mixture of both happy and sad emotions.

"…Yes," I softly said, staring down at my hands as I sat alone on my sofa.  "I just…couldn't.  I'm sorry, Tsuzuki."

I looked up just in time to see him smile for me, "It's alright, Hisoka.  I understand."  And his eyes told me that he did.  "You know," he began, "…while we were in Kyoto, Muraki told me a lot…about himself…and me."

"You never told me this," Tatsumi said calmly, taking a sip of the coffee he held.

Tsuzuki just smiled apologetically and continued, "…He didn't have a happy childhood; his mother thought of him only as a _doll_ to add to her collection and he was in constant rivalry with his half-brother…"

            _His "mistress" and the one he hated…_

"I have no doubt that he loved with his entire heart as a child…but unfortunately as he grew older, that became nearly impossible due to the emotional trauma he experienced as a child…  I know that no matter how many times he said it, Muraki never really meant it when he said that loved me.  …But even though he may not have consciously realized it…the person he came closest to _loving_…was you, Hisoka," Tsuzuki finished with a smile full of mixed emotions.

That's all I could feel from him – mixed emotions.

"That's probably why his heart reached out to Hisoka of all people…  His empathy and the fact that he's played such a large part of our dear empath's life and afterlife as well made it especially easy – and is probably the reason why the alternate reality Muraki created in Hisoka's dreams carried over to our reality," Tatsumi analyzed, glancing at my scar.  "I noticed something that intrigued me, though, while I was in your dream with you…"

I looked at him questioningly and asked, "You did?"

Tatsumi nodded slightly and said, "You seemed to lack your usual…bitterness and hostility."

"Are you implying that I'm an unpleasant person when I'm awake?"

Tsuzuki let out a short giggle as Tatsumi simply smiled, "Of course not."

"I think what Tatsumi's trying to say," Tsuzuki interjected with an appreciative nod from the secretary, "is that your _heart_ recognized Muraki not as the murderer and rapist he was to you…but as the gentle child he used to be."

"Though, when you were _awake_, it seemed you were even more bitter and hostile than usual," Tatsumi observed, smiling gently as if to tell me that he didn't quite mean it like that.  "Perhaps it was your mind trying to balance itself out?"

"I…hadn't noticed," I muttered, and in truth, I hadn't.  A question had been burning in my mind, though, "…Now that I've helped him let go of his childhood…what now?  I mean…is he going to change?  How is he going to be?"

All light faded from Tsuzuki as he contemplated my question with Tatsumi, finally stating, "I don't know and I hope I never find out."

I just gave him a smile and he seemed to like that because his entire body lit up.

"One thing's been bothering me," Tatsumi spoke up, obviously thinking about his question.  "…If Muraki's alternate reality in your dream carried over into _our_ reality…then how were you able to drink cyanide?  …I've been wondering that…"

Silence followed his question as we all tried to think.  "Muraki really thought he was a doll from his mother and that thinking carried over to Hisoka," Tsuzuki said softly, "so in his mind, Hisoka could drink any kind of poison just as he could without being harmed by it.  Muraki spent his entire life building a resistance to poisons."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" Tatsumi softly mused aloud.

Tsuzuki just smiled and stood up with a yawn, stretching, "Anyway, I'm glad to see that you're alright now, Hisoka…but it's nearly midnight…"

I yawned because he yawned, which set Tatsumi off yawning as well.  "Tsuzuki's right," he sighed, "it's late and we still have work tomorrow…"

"Y-you guys are…leaving?" I asked shakily, growing afraid of the fact that I would be alone that night after _that_.

Tatsumi and Tsuzuki exchanged looks, reading something in each other that I obviously, to my resentment, couldn't.  "Not if you don't want us to," they said.

"Well, we _do_ have work tomorrow," I muttered, trying to look away.

Tsuzuki pounced beside me on the sofa, startling the hell out of me.  "We live close together, so it's all right!"

I tried to voice my protest, but my throat produced no sound – instead, I tried to get the pity of Tatsumi, but I found him just smiling at me with an incredibly amused expression on his face.  "It's already late…  Shouldn't we get to sleep now?"

            _Bastards._

"Come on!" Tsuzuki chirped, dragging me off my sofa, picking me up, and taking me to my room with me struggling all the while.

Tatsumi followed us in and shut the door behind him.

Setting me down on my bed, Tsuzuki curled up beside me with his arms around me in such a way that I couldn't _possibly_ escape from his grip.  By that time, I thought my face was going to disappear and be replaced with one giant blush.

The light switch flipped off and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could feel Tatsumi climb into my bed on the other side of me.  Eventually, both men held me in their arms silently.

Tsuzuki, on my left, sighed and he snuggled closer to me.

"Ah…thank you…Tatsumi, Tsuzuki…for being here," I whispered, blushing even in the darkness.

Tatsumi didn't say anything, but he shifted his head slightly so that his cheek was resting gently at the top of my head.  Tsuzuki, though, buried his face in my neck and muttered, "How could I resist you when you called out for me?"

"…What?" I asked in surprise, feeling another hot wave of blushes.

He yawned in my neck and sighed, "That's why I came.  I was just up reading when I heard your heart call out to me.  …I realized it was you and I didn't hesitate to come be by your side…"

"I…called out for you?" I whispered, my throat developing a knot.

Tsuzuki just nodded in my neck, yawned, and started to say something else, but Tatsumi silenced him with a sleepy "shh" and rested his arm on my chest, absent-mindedly playing with Tsuzuki's hair until he fell asleep…

And then I followed into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

**Chapter End**

**Ending notes**: The Tsu+Tat+Hi-ness just kinda happened…  I had no control over it XD!  Even though I am a "closet TatxHi" fan (^_^), their relationship in this isn't really like _that _in this fic.  …Okay, think that Hisoka sees Tatsumi sort of as a father and…Tsuzuki as a mother…  …Now make him incestual…

After writing that, I just lost all sight of where I was going with this…  Now I have this half-formed incestual Hisoka thought…  Oh well.

Anyway…this chapter is kinda sad because there's just the epilogue after this…and then…I'm DONE!  NOO!!!!!!  I wish I could keep on writing this _forever_…  T.T  I said I'd thank everyone, so I went back and saved all the review pages so I could do this at…*looks at clock*…midnight ^_^

Lily: You were my first review!  *gets all nostalgic*  Anyway, thank you!

Panatlantic: Thank you very much for being there from the very beginning and liking this!

Hard_Cover: Glad you enjoyed this!  *distributes Hisoka dolls…*

Morien Alexander: Thank you very much!  You probably never realized it, but you gave me a lot of inspiration by constantly saying how creepy this is ^_^  …More than once, I've thought about drawing this out, but I'm a horrid artist  ^^;;  

Twylise: I'm glad you've enjoyed this and stayed with me since the beginning!  (And thank you for complementing me on my "style."  But what style?  XD)  Sorry about driving you insane with the story, though, and making you wait so long ^_~

Subaru Sumeragi: I'm glad you liked the concept, but sorry for scaring you ^^;; *write, write, write*

Mirai Kurosaki: Thank you so much for helping me with this!  (You _did_ help me get some of the "hard-to-write" chapters out by working on Akusho while talking to me…and in the process making me feel guilty for going so long between chapters…)

Sleine: I'd be interested to hear how this related to you O.o…  Was the doll who you thought it was?  ^_~

Icediamond: Sorry I confused you!

Silver-Winged-Angel: Sorry for scaring you!  XD

MiZu-cHan: When I first thought of this, it never occurred to me that it would come out as weird and creepy as it did ^_^

Sherbie: Your review was so elegant!  *squeals*  I like the concept, too!  ^_^ v

Literary Eagle: Thank you for liking this!  It makes me happy!  *gives you a Michiko bear to spread the happiness*

Rinoa Redcloak: Eh heh…I'm glad this is one of the most disturbing things you've ever read?  Anyway, thank you for liking this so much!

Sotty-chan: Thank you for liking this and continuing to read it!  o^_^o

Nagibook: Thank you for the information about that book ^_^  I have to go and read it now XD

Erin-chan: *gives you a Michiko bear* There, there!  The waiting's almost over!


	9. Epilogue

**Title**: Hisoka Doll

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Pairings**: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, (Muraki/Hisoka?), Tat/Tsu/Hi, Watari/Tatsumi (last two only mentioned briefly)

**Warnings**: Language, Muraki, end of the story

**Disclaimer**: All mine – oh wait, I'm dreaming, sorry…

**Notes**: I didn't really have any idea what I wanted to do with this, except the end, so I just wrote and wrote until I eventually got there…  So sorry if it jumps around a bit ^^;  And a very merry THANK YOU to **Erin-chan** for drawing me _wonderful_ fanart XD!  I luff it!

**Chapter summary**: Epilogue and Muraki-ness!

==========

Hisoka Doll

By Elf Asato

==========

**Epilogue**

_What the_ hell _are you doing, Tsuzuki?!_

_            I won't let him hurt you, I promise._

_                        Do you trust me?_

_Tsuzu…ki…_

_            Do you trust me, Hisoka?_

_I…trust you…_

_            Thank you, love._

_                        I'll be back before you know it._

_                                    Just wait for me._

Wait for him.  **Wait** _for him_.  Wait?  _Wait!_

**Wait?!**

My empathy's _reeling_ trying to distance myself from Tsuzuki's emotional turmoil – mixed with my own – and yet at the same time, trying so desperately to reach him.

Stupid idiot!  Stupid, stupid…

Tsuzuki…

When I see him again, I don't know whether I'll hug and kiss him like mad or beat the living shit out of that _idiot_.  What the hell made him think that he alone could take on _Muraki???_

Muraki!  Of…_all_…people…

…Him…

I need to – _need_ to – think clearly about this!  But…what do I do?  If I leave him alone, he'll be _alone_ with Muraki!  …But if I come for him, it's like I never trusted him at all…

I trust him…

…But I don't trust Muraki.

I've _got_ to find him!

…

I know exactly where he is now, but that still doesn't keep my heart from racing and my throat knotting.

Soon…I'll get to see him again…

_Him _again…

…So soon…

Tsuzuki.

… (Muraki)

Tsuzuki.

…

…

(Muraki)

…

Since Muraki's heart moved on, I've never been graced with the presence of his childlike heart in my dreams.  It's weird because I _know_ I should be relieved…but instead, I feel…somewhat sad.

Even with Tsuzuki by my side always.

I had always known that my idiot partner had feelings towards me, but up until a few weeks after the doll stopped coming, they were never reciprocated.  Of course, now I love that dear idiot of mine and I can't remember how I ever lived without him.

Oh wait, I didn't.  I died.  …That's right…

Anyway, now we're inseparable – even going as far as moving in with each other – and we'll be celebrating seven months together in a few weeks.  I feel so lucky…

And Tatsumi…  We've both grown to love him dearly and he's just as much part of our relationship as _we_ are, but lately Tsuzuki's been trying to set him up with nearly _everyone_ in the office.  Our dear secretary, while he doesn't exactly appreciate the actual act, appreciates the thought and effort we both give him.

Tsuzuki and I don't want to jinx it, but we think that Watari is turning out to be a likely candidate for Tatsumi's heart – they argue about the most _irrelevant_ things.  It's so cute…and obvious that at least _one_ of them likes the other.  So obvious that during our assignment briefing a couple of days ago, one of the Gushoushin actually asked if they were going out…

Oh right, our assignment: investigating a long string of complex and gruesome murders and finding a leering Muraki at the end.  Actually, Tsuzuki was the one to find him as the source of all our problems – and the reason why I'm so fucking nervous about this.  That idiot went off to confront Muraki alone so I wouldn't have to see him again…

My love.  My darling, beautiful love in the hands of that _creep_…

…But even as I say that with the harshest thoughts I can imagine, I don't hate him.  …I hate _myself_ for having to face that truth, but I…don't hate _him_.  I guess…because now I understand.  Even if I really don't…it's because I understand _him_.

But still, that doesn't excuse all the lives he's ruined and ended just for his _fun_.

…

Tsuzuki's pain is screaming louder in my heart and I know that I'm near them.

He can feel I'm near as well – the vibrations of our pain are nearly one…

Closer…

The vibrations are slow…

Closer…

So slow…

Closer…

Just barely…

Closer…

Zero.

"TSUZUKI!" I cry out as I see him hunched over in a pool of his own blood as that…that _bastard_ stands upright from his position of hovering over my love tauntingly.

It takes effort for Tsuzuki to tilt his head slightly and croak out, "…Hisoka…"  His eyes carry a vague sense of relief, but everything else tells me that he's _not_ happy to see me under the circumstances.

 "So you're finally here," Muraki smirks as he brushes a lock of silver hair from his face and looks at me with piercing eyes.  He's remembering that night under the sakura tree…I _know_ he is…looking over me with those predatory eyes…

I can't STAND it!

Doubling over from Tsuzuki's pain and my own, I clutch my head, trying to block out the memories and the lingering pain…the smell of the sakura…

"I was wondering how much I would have to torture our dear Tsuzuki-san before you would show up," he continues and I can _feel_ him mocking me with everything he has…

…But I'm not entirely sure it's him.

It's…me…

"He's not _yours_," I snap, as my sight is nearly blind from the rage that I feel towards this man, "and he never was!"

That bastard just chuckles lightly and smirks.  I can only tell by his aura that he's drawing nearer and nearer.  "All right, I'll let you have that…but you," he continues as he's no more than two feet away, "…have always been mine."

My knees give out, but I barely feel the pain from dropping abruptly on them.

Muraki just stands over me and I _know_ he's wearing that smile…that smile and those eyes…

All this…makes a strange part of my heart sad.  Like…it's not supposed to be like this.  Like it could be…

…Different…

…

Different?

He's knelt beside me and I can feel his familiar breathing in my ear, almost smelling sakura as well.

A crazy part of me wants to whip out an ofuda and use reibaku on him…but what am I going to do once he's immobilized?!  Kick him and run?

"My doll," he whispers and I feel Tsuzuki clutching desperately to me in my heart only.

I shake my head weakly as I try to block out what he's saying.  "I-I'm…not…"

"You always were the favorite in my collection…"

"…I…"

His lips brush my ear slightly as he continues, "You're beautiful."

Perhaps, I feel, the reibaku has been cast on myself because everything has come to a still – my muscles, my breathing, my world.  It's just _him_, now…breathing those soft words in my ear:

"My Hisoka Doll."

He places something soft and furry in my still arms…  My neck muscles only allow me to look down and steal this one glance…steal this one fleeting memory…

…Michi…ko…?

I feel Tsuzuki's emotional screaming comes to a standstill and Muraki's aura recede until it's far away, never reaching me.  The sadness that I had felt before goes with Muraki – replacing it is intense and irrational happiness that cannot be explained.  My arms slowly and gently draw near to my body until I feel the comfort of the stuffed animal against my chest.  Vaguely feeling Tsuzuki's confusion, I reach out with my empathy and smother it with Michiko's love.  I have to give a slow but confident smile as he dulls the pain and leaves me feeling content.

All that's left in my fragile little world is Michiko.

And I accept.

            _"My doll…_

_                        You always were the favorite in my collection…_

_                                    You're beautiful…_

_                                                My Hisoka Doll."_

**End**

**Ending notes**: Michiko returned!  Yay!  Um…anyway, Michiko (for Hisoka) symbolized love ^^;;  A very strange love, but love nonetheless.

I was UTMOST pleased with the ending!  *hugs ending*  I luff it!  (Er, it's up to _you _to figure out just what exactly it meant…)

And OH OH OH OH!  Erin-chan drew fanart for me, which you ALL should look at and tell her how wonderful it is!  (www.deviantart.com/view/1410595)

That "my darling, beautiful love" part just came out!  Blame Erin-chan for writing that fic that, incidentally, you all should read ^^;;  (ooh, I'm just full of Erin-chan-promoting…)

And about the vibrations…  When you play an instrument (clarinet especially) and you play with a tuner right next to you, you can actually _feel_ the vibrations/beats depending on how in tune you are.  The more in tune you are, the slower the beats become until you're _exactly_ in tune – and then they stop!  (…Speaking of that, I have this _huge_ playing test I should be practicing for – but I'm writing this instead XD!)

I'm too lazy to thank each and every one of you for sticking with this story and reviewing so I'll do it in just one shot:

Thank you for reading and good night ^_^


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